Hear instruction and be wise, and do not neglect it
Proverbs 8:33

Two weeks ago, I introduced the values that undergird Bishop Carrie’s vision for nurturing a Community of Love in our diocese.
• Faithfulness
• Integrity
• Compassion
• Curiosity
• Transparency
• Accountability
• Informed Choice
• Humility
• Hospitality

Last week, I offered some of the assumptions Bishop Carrie would like us to cultivate within ourselves and our parishes.
• People are doing the best they can with what they have,and their capacities vary with time.
• It’s a beautiful thing to ask for help when needed.
• Each of us sees things others don’t.
• People may disagree with me and have pure motives.
• Differences are opportunities for learning and growing.
• Conflict itself is not good or bad; it is the way we move through conflict that can divide or unite.
• It’s possible I may be contributing to the problem.
• Feedback is a gift.
• How we work through things is often more important than what we decide.
• Kind is better than nice.

This week, I’d like to share the behaviors Bishop Carrie believes can best help us grow into a strong, healthy, community of love, especially when we are having hard conversations. Many of these are already in our Vestry norms.
• Speak for yourself, from your own experience, using “I” statements.
• Ask genuine questions—as opposed to rhetorical or “gotcha” questions.
• Use specific examples, and make sure everyone agrees on what important words mean.
• Explain your reasoning and intent.
• Focus on interests rather than positions.
• Test your assumptions and inferences by asking for clarification.
• Discuss undiscussable issues.
• Check your blind spots.
• Jointly design next steps.
• Practice the “circle back” afterward if things get tense to clarify and repair any miscommunication or hurt feelings.

How might these behaviors help us communicate better? How might they soften our hearts? Do any of these make you uncomfortable? Why? Do any jump out at you as something we’re already doing here at Trinity? Are there any we could stand to do more? How do we support one another in loving behavior that demonstrates integrity, accountability, curiosity, or any other values?

In peace,